15 Weeks

And I'm definitely starting to show.
I don't know why this urge has come on but over the last couple of weeks I have been going over my last pregnancies and I am kicking myself for not really documenting them. I think at the time I was feeling really fat and insecure and didn't want to face how big I really was-but now I want to see it! I feel dumb taking the pictures though :) I have never been (In my opinion) A very cute pregnant woman, probably because when I start packing on the pounds I do it pretty quickly and I gain it everywhere. I guess I have to blame my size for that one-being only 5ft 3 means that there is not very many places to hide the weight gain :) right now I have gained about 6 pounds. Blah. Knowing I HAVE to gain weight and doing it are two ideas that are waring in my head. I hate seeing the pounds pack on (It seems early to me) but I also would hate myself if I didn't gain enough weight for this baby. So I gain the weight, and then gripe about it to Michael-it's a system that works for us :)
This pregnancy is WAY different them my other three-Nausea started on day one-literally. I found out I was pregnant after feeling horrible for weeks. I even know the exact date the nausea started and it is basically only days from the beginning of my pregnancy. With the other boys I started feeling sick around week 6 and it disappeared around week 11. I am STILL having nauseated mornings, though they are not very close together anymore. Also I have been nauseated morning AND night. You'd think with eating next to nothing I would lose some weight (Hey I always lost 7 pounds with the boys in their first trimesters) but this time I gained-really quickly too.

The other boys were measuring big-this baby is tiny. We have already moved my due date back a week and a half and they still had problems finding the heartbeat at almost 13 weeks (THAT was a terrifying moment.) When we did hear it-it was a strong 160 bpm. The boys were all at 140 bpm.

With all of this I can't help but wonder if there is any stock in the old wives tales that predict I will be having a girl (Yes I have taken them-The Chinese calendar also predicts I am having a girl) I am not going to lie-I have never wanted a girl so badly in my life. I feel guilty just saying that because if this baby is a boy I am afraid people will think I am disappointed in my baby-which I will not be. When I found out what gender Seth was the ultrasound tech told me that she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to upset me and it really bothered me. I didn't lose the lottery with Seth because he was a boy-I love him and was grateful that he was a healthy baby. Maybe this time there will be some sadness but not because of the gender, but because with my c-sections and other health problems we feel like this might be our last child. I guess in my mind I always pictured having a little girl so the dream would be a little hard to give up. But there is always adoption!

I have a doctors appointment next week and I  look forward to hearing this baby's heartbeat and maybe seeing their little face on screen:)