Hmmmm

I have been thinking a lot lately about the role of me as a mother. I have had several talks with people as I have tried to figure out how I feel about losing myself in this calling. I didn't realize when we welcomed our first child into our family 11 months after we were married how every step of mine would be governed by the needs of my children. I think I would have enjoyed being single more if I would have known just how all consuming it is to raise these babies. I probably am a vain person because I have struggled a lot lately with what I am giving up-my body, my sanity, my memory, a lot of my talents and interests, and TIME! It is hard for me to come to grips with losing who I was and becoming someone entirely different.

Sometimes when the kids and I are struggling I wonder if I wouldn't have been better suited to become a career women. I was on the phone talking to a friend about nutrition needs for children at the store and a lady asked if I was a doctor- I told her no, but that I majored in nutrition at college. Part of me was a little sad that I couldn't really say I was a nutritionist, that I really wasn't qualified for that title.

One talk in particular made me think- I am not at all sad that I chose the road I am down-not in the slightest though Sometimes I feel unqualified for this much harder calling. And sometimes I feel lost in the shuffle as I realized I have joined the millions of other mothers in the world and why should I stand apart??? Sometimes I am hugely jealous of my husband who is in the spotlight for what he does and who he is. Motherhood seems a lot like background work.

But then my child runs to me when his boot falls off and wants me to put it back on, or my children are laughing hysterically as they play together, or I am comforting a hurt child who only can be comforted by myself and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this gift I have been given.

I don't like the way the world looks down on motherhood-as a role for uneducated women who couldn't make it in the world, but I am glad to hold that title. I chose to be a mother. I chose to forgo a role in the world to make a home for my small family.

Finally while I had felt torn between maintaining some sense of who I was I realize I want to be this other person-someone who can read a book 10 times patiently, or someone who can handle their child peeing on the floor 5 times in one morning while you are trying to potty train them, or appreciating hearing your child pray at night and realizing that this is a unique love. Thank you Michael Dunn and Hyrum for making me a mother.

AND because I have such a backlog of pictures needing to be put up-I am going to close this post with pics:)

Hyrum enjoying eatinging corn-on-the-cob. He really loves finger foods :)
MD LOVES fruit and yes he usually makes huge messes while eating any kind :)
I just love how happy and handsome he looks in this photo
Family prayer. Right before we started praying MD pulled his bear over to join in.
After we got MD dressed for bed he added some accessories :)
And then put some on Hyrum