Ever since Michael restarted school I have been a tad bit overwhelmed. (HUGE understatement) I KNOW I have lived through almost a year deployment and came out mostly if not completely unscathed and dealt with my two little monkeys by myself all the time. Why is it so hard now???? To tell you the truth I barely remember the year Michael was deployed so I can't even remember how I dealt with the chaos-People said I would learn so much from that experience and I am sure I did-I just forgot it all!

I am in the process of learning how to deal with two strong willed, rambunctious and full of life toddlers and they are in the process of trying to raise a mother. Both are difficult undertakings and have involved a lot of tears, frustrations and embarrassing moments on all sides. I take comfort in the thought that eventually they will move out and I will get the pleasure of watching them raise their own kids while I look on and laugh.

The other day after Michael had returned from school and was getting ready for work I realized I was exhausted and layed on the couch to take a nap. Michael was sweetly trying to help me in what little ways he can before he had to leave for work and was washing the dishes. The boys were playing under the kitchen table with their toys and I, in my drifting state, would hear bouts of laughter usually followed with cries of anger. Suddenly I was awakened when I felt someone jump on my back. I look up and see MD bouncing on the other end of the couch jumping on it like a trampoline. He jumps my way, launches onto my side with one big jump then quickly before I could do anything but grunt in pain launched off of me to the other end of the couch! Hyrum was frantically trying to climb up and join in the fun. Michael who was oblivious to what was going on up until my cry of pain, saw my son launch off of me again and quickly shooed them away and into their room. I drifted back off to sleep.

Somewhere in my subconscious I heard the door open but I was so tired that I ignored it no doubt thinking it was Michael on his way out to work. Suddenly I was jarred awake by two cold hands shaking me
"Mommy! Mommy!!!!!"
opening my eyes I see MD standing over me with his dog and blanket
"yes baby?"
"I want to sleep with you!" (He wanted to take a nap with me)
"Thanks for waking me up to tell me that..."
I scoot over and MD crawls next to me and snuggles in close. I close my eyes but open them quickly when I hear the door open again and see Hyrum walking in with 3 of his blankets and all the stuffed animals he owns in his arms. MD was angry and tried to push him away but I picked him up and he layed down on my stomach and closed his eyes.
Neither of the kids really wanted to take a nap and what was a sweet moment quickly turned into shoves, stolen toys and angry children that were soon sent away and an exhausted mommy who realized she would never get a nap in.

On a more positive note: I don't want people to assume I am miserable and unhappy. Quite the opposite- I am beyond happy and blessed! I am grateful for my two boys and am constantly laughing at and with them! I have realized I am a young mother (Not a new one but a young one!) who probably needs some raising still myself! But one of the things I am enjoying is my kids unswerving devotion to me! My mom calls it a romantic love-not in a gross or inapropriate way but in a way where my boys just love me and want to be the only man in my life. They are in constant competition with their daddy. MD is my protector. Anytime Michael is tickling me and MD sees it he comes running yelling "Stop Daddy!" And both want me to spend personal alone time with them when they wake up. I treasure these times where I get to rock my babies and sing to them and they play with my hair or touch my nose and eyes. These boys are my treasures.