Lately the thought of having another baby fills me with mixed emotions. I am of course exited and at this point really ready to meet the little guy who wakes me up in the middle of the night and kicks me in my bladder at just the right moments. And I love feeling the baby move. Saying that I have noticed lately another emotion that has been coming slowly and is always behind the initial excitement.
I am sad. I am not sad to be having another baby, but am sad to lose the one-on-one time I have grown to really love with Michael Dunn. I am sad that I won't be able to give him all my attention and I am sad that he won't be my baby any more. It makes me sad to think that he will resent me for bringing another baby into this family and I am paranoid that he will grow insecure around his mommy. I have started to understand what people say when they wonder how they will ever love another baby as much as they love the first. I feel like that. I watch Michael Dunn sleep and am overwhelmed with gratitude for him being my son. I love his smiles and the wonderful mornings when he cuddles up to me and drinks his bottle. I love him being my baby, and I feel like he loves being my baby and I don't want to lose that.
I really don't want to be misunderstood. I know I will love this new boy who is sent to us. I know he will be sweet and special and I will grow to realize that I can love two children as much. It is just hard giving up what I already have even though I know it is for something more and better.
3 comments:
I think we all go through these feelings. The week that I spent overdue with my second we went to see August Rush at the dollar movie and aimi lark fell asleep in my arms and it was so sweet...well during the movie i sobbed and sobbed as I held my sleeping one year old on my chest b/c I had similar thoughts going through my head...will i be a good mom to two... will i be able to spread out my love etc.
md will love his brother!
I couldn't even offer any advice or suggestions that would help...but i do know you are a great mom and you will be an even better mom with two =)
Laurie, I had those same feelings when I was expecting Callie. I was afraid that loving another little baby would somehow diminish the love I had for Sim. But the very first moment I held her in my arms I knew the opposite is true! Our capacity to love is boundless. Michael may go through an adjustment period but he will be so blessed and happy to have a little brother to love and play with (eventually) and you'll still have lots of tender moments with him. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother!
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